cool thing to do while under house arrest #745: watch 16 and pregnant on mtv.ca

mtv.ca has a whole slew of quality prgramming that is absolutely free (make sure you have hi-speed internet access). we're talking about gems like: Jersey Shore, Peak Season and, of course, 16 and pregnant. what better way to fill a dull evening by yourself than eating toasted tomato sandwiches for one and watching intellectually stimulating television.

not i. but i still got a chuckle out of it anyways.



and the original (just in case you don't know what they are spoofing):



and the video that put it back on the charts:

"For the last fucking time: Men cannot have hairdos. Men cannot walk into salons and sit in those big chairs and lean back into a sink while a rich cokehead makes a $200 sculpture on their head. All women know this. That’s why they do this look when you take a picture."

-viceland.com

most influential NES games of my youth (in no order):

double dragon
megaman 2 & 3
skate or die
mike tyson's punch-out
paperboy 2
super mario 1 & 2 & 3
legend of zelda
kung-fu
wrestlemania
gi joe
capt america and the avengers
contra

Tags: memories, nintendo

3. i am quite fond of adidas. i wear a lot of their apparel.
2. this cinematography of this advertisment is extraordinary. (side note: yes, that is David Beckham and Russel Simmons).
1. i love love love this song and love love love the fact that adidas is introducing Frankie Valli and the 4 seasons to a new generation. (of course, it had to happen, based upon the success of this commercial a relatively unknown hip-hop group decided to sample it. fortunately, to their credit, they didn't add or take away too much from the original because the song is already flawless.) 

Tags: music

i don't know what been going on, but lately www.fmylife.com has been really really good. here are some selected entries i really found funny:


Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice, we were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes she asked me "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?". She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML.

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

Today, it's been a few days since I decided to give this girl I like the silent treatment.I've been writing on/off with her for a few weeks, but decided to stop a bit, to seem mysterious. When I logged on Facebook today, her status was "..is so happy that annoying guy has stopped writing to me!" FML.

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML.

Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML.

Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML.

Today, I rushed home to tell my parents my girlfriend had accepted my proposal. They asked how I could be so selfish at a time like this. Apparently, Michael Jackson's death is more important than their son. FML.

Today, I found my long lost diary and curiously read it. What's worse than finding out that your mother read your diary? Finding out that your mother wrote comments in it. FML.

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML.

Today, was my birthday. After hinting for almost 2 months for a Wii, my dad pulls out a shiny new Wii Package. The only problem? The box didn't have a Wii in it. My dad gave me a Wii box with my VCR inside and a note saying "This is life. Once you think you're happy, someone crushes it". FML.

Today, while on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up and pissing off several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

Tags: humour

Ottawa teenager dies of swine flu in CHEO hospital this afternoon. Teenager had chronic health problems (CF? asthma? etc... ?): http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Health/Ottawa+teen+dies+with+swine/1725180/story.html
 
My dad called and advised me to avoid large crowds of people for a while. I promptly cancelled my movie outing with my friend Danielle for the evening. 

The swine flu is still spreading. There have been more than 2,650 confirmed cases of swine flu in Ontario – and more than 5,700 across Canada – but most are considered mild with symptoms very similar to an annual seasonal flu. 

 This shit is fast acting: http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/655062

Just because it is not making news headlines does not mean it is no longer a threat. No, i'm not being overly paranoid - just cautious.

Tags: cf, important

I have just discovered that Sonic Youth is playing in Toronto on June 30th to promote thier new album. So help me God I am going to that fucking show with or without an IV in my arm.

I am so determined I already bought my $65 ticket.

Tags: important

i went to Hull today to get my winter tires removed and have my all-seasons put back on. Quebec just passed a law this year that all Quebec drivers must have winter tires installed during the winter season due to harsh road conditions (punishable by a fine). the problem with winter tires is that they are only good for the cold weather and if you use them when it gets warm the tire starts to deteriorate (4 new winter tires cost about $800). so as you can imagine, that results in about 100,000 people trying to quickly get their tires changed between the last weeks of April. i ended up going to a really far and obscure tire garage in the deepest parts of Hull to get my tires changed. this whole 'winter tire' law is pretty shitty but that's not what i'm griping about. i'm just setting you up.

there is a long stretch of highway between Aylmer (where i live) and Hull and there are several intersections and some fucking genius urban-planner decided that instead of putting traffic lights they should put roundabouts. a 'roundabout' is a great idea in theory. in theory. a roundabout (typically found in the UK or Europe) looks like this:



a roundabout works when there is only a few cars at a time, but during rush hour traffic i have never seen so many near-miss collissions in my life in such a short span of time. unlike traffic lights (communism), or a 4-way stop (democracy) a roundabout is just pure anarchy. only the biggest and bravest and boldest dare enter the circle. a roundabout only works when other drivers are equally respectful and courteous, not "hey, i'm driving a pick-up truck, i'm just gonna go barrelling through". thankfully i didn't get into an alterations, but if i owned a house near that roundabout, i'd be sure to be sitting in my front lawn on my lawn chair between 3:00pm - 5:00pm every weekday just to see the action -better than TNT (the television network station).

Tags: observations